The Long Journey to Recognize Childhood Abuse as Abnormal

For many survivors, the realization that their childhood experiences were not normal and constitute abuse can be a long and difficult journey. This article explores one such survivor's journey and how their recognition of their abuse came to light.

The Hidden Abuses of Childhood

I have always known, but never shared my experiences until well into my adulthood. I concealed many aspects of my life including the regular body, mind, and space violations that I endured. It wasn't until I was around 15 years old, unable to remain overseas for a longer visit, that the situation escalated. The grip on me intensified to near 24/7 surveillance, making me feel extremely suffocated and trapped. These meltdowns became periodic as a result of sleep deprivation, food deprivation, and complete lack of privacy, even in my own bedroom, where my journal writings were violated and my cash stolen.

Trapped, with no real hope of escape, the mere thought of death became my only solace. I was still underage, and things only got worse after high school. It was a realization that some individuals are not fit to have families or children.

Growing Up in an Abusive Household

I grew up in a household where abuse was prevalent, with a covert narcissist mother and an alcoholic father. It was always clear to me that something was amiss. Despite being told otherwise, I knew I did not deserve this abuse. It is possible that I never developed a genuine connection to my parents, as their daily abuse overshadowed any happy moments. I am no longer in contact with them.

Only recently, after learning to love myself and surround myself with people who value me, did I truly recognize how abnormal and severe the abuse was. This journey took me fifty years, as it was only when I finally began to recall the events that the truth set in.

The Recognition of Abnormal Behavior

The specific recognition of my parents as abnormal came when my family relocated from Wales to Canada. My mother was always perceived as mean and nasty, but it wasn't until I interacted with the families next to us that I understood the true extent of her cruel behavior. The parents of the family next door were strict, and my mother decided to be equally strict, aiming to appear desirable to our neighbors. However, the family on the other side of our immediate neighbors were kind and generous, with no instances of assault or raised voices. These stark contrasts confirmed for me that my parents were far from normal.

It is only recently that I have fully realized how abnormal and harmful my parents were. As they are now deceased, it is fitting that they have moved on to a better place.

Conclusion

For survivors of childhood abuse, the journey to recognizing your experiences as abnormal and traumatic can be long and challenging. It is a process that often involves time, self-reflection, and sometimes the validation of others. The realization that some individuals and environments are not fit for parenting is a critical step in the healing process.