The Paradox of True Love: Why It Does Not Last

In the grips of new love, it feels like the most necessary and irresistible force imaginable. It feels eternal. And yet, although it sometimes lasts, it usually does not. Why?

Is It Us Men and Our Vile Ways?

This question has been explored in literature and in many philosophical discussions. Ford Madox Ford, in his classic novel The Good Soldier, provides a profound insight into this matter. His narrator suggests that 'it is impossible to believe in the permanence of man's or woman's love. Or at any rate it is impossible to believe in the permanence of any early passion.'

Love as a Wider Experience

The underlying concept of this narrative is that love, particularly for a new woman, is a broader experience that the individual is seeking. As Ford's narrator describes, 'a love affair is something in the nature of the widening of the experience. With each new woman a man is attracted to, there appears to come a broadening of the outlook or if you like, an acquiring of new territory.'

The Craving for Identity and Support

According to Ford, a man desires to come to a woman for the renewal of his courage and support. He craves to identity himself with the woman he loves, seeing with the same eyes, touching with the same sense of touch, and hearing with the same ears. This craving for identity is in essence a desire to find reassurance and validation from the object of his affection.

The Paradox of Womanizer and True Manliness

The womanizer, driven by a passion for women, is often a sublimation of the desperate desire for reassurance. His fixation on women in the plural is a manifestation of the fear about his own inadequacy and the need for validation. Essentially, he is a needy creature, seeking admiration and acceptance from the object of his erotic fascination.

A Mature Approach to Love

A true man or mature man is different. He is one who is secure within himself and ready to stay with one woman because he has internalized the love he has received. He comes to see himself and his worthiness more clearly, and can love as well as be loved. This ability to love and be loved sustainably forms the basis of a real and lasting relationship.

How to Gain the Experience of Many Horizons

The question remains: How can a man best gain the experience of many horizons and the sense of self-acceptance that are necessary for true love and lasting relationships? Can he acquire them without exploiting the women in his life?

One answer is through personal growth. Exploring new relationships and new experiences can broaden one's horizons and provide a deeper understanding of oneself. However, it is crucial to do so with empathy, respect, and a willingness to give back as much as one receives.

A mature man portrays a balance of self-awareness, responsibility, and the ability to commit to one person and nurture a deep, lasting relationship. This journey is not only about personal growth but also about cultivating the right mindset and skills to appreciate and support a significant other.

Conclusion

True love, like life itself, is a complex journey. While it is often fleeting, the lessons learned from each experience contribute to our personal growth and the eventual capacity for truly lasting relationships. As we navigate the complexities of love, may we also understand and value the journey of becoming a mature, loving individual.